dreamweaver says.

Friday, December 26, 2008 ; 7:57 PM

TJ dancers gathering today at marina square. Most of them still looked the same but there had been many changes and updates in their lives. Schools and majors are vastly different. Sharon just got back from US a few days ago, Fanny had on her pre-braces metal thingy in her mouth which I commented looked like little Willy Wonka's dental devices, if you'd watched the movie. lol. :p But the most interesting of all are the newly attached girls like Meng Ai and Andrea. haha.. Interesting because they had been single from the time I knew them till now. Somehow, there is a different sort of aura about them now. Which is kind of new to me. :)
So we had lunch at Waraku, took photos and walked around. And I bought a copy of Twilight book which I got hooked on pretty quickly. The girls were saying how disappointing the movie was. Like I always said, one should always watch the movie before reading the book just so you won't be disappointed by the flick. Because very rarely will the movie outshine the book itself since the movie-makers have to omit certain parts of the book to fit its contents within a limited time span of the movie. And I find it easier to imagine and identify with the characters after having watched the movie.
If I wasn't carrying a gi-normous duffel bag from the stayover at Clement's house the previous night, I would have been able to continue shopping with them. So I went home at 5 plus and I got started on my new book earlier. :)

Marlene said I should not abandon my blog so she'd know what's been going on in my life. Thanks Mar for being such a loyal reader of my blog that you were the first person to tag my board upon a silent revival of a pathetic entry after a thousand year hiatus. Yup. So I've decided that I should restart my blogging once again. Afterall, it would be such a waste to stop a blog which I'd diligently updated from almost 4 years ago. Memories should constantly be created and recorded lest one forgets. And especially so in my case, since I'm not very good at remembering significant events.

Its the end of the year. So let's try a point-form quick summary of my very happening 2008, which happens to be the most eventful year of my life to date.

. Spent new year in Korea .
. Got a job as an airport guide .
. Worked as data entry at E-Three Bizsolutions .
. Quit my job as an airport guide .
. Worked as an ad hoc relief receptionist at HSBC Insurance .
. Latin dance lessons at Shawn and Glady's .
. Release of A'level results .
. 2 months of fretting whether I'll be able to get into NUS FASS .
. Practices and performance for our alumni dance item at TJC Reverie IV dance concert .
. Passed Basic Theory, started driving for the first time ever .
. Cambodia Mission Trip .
. FASS discretionary admission interview with the professors .
. Attended ballet lessons for the first time .
. Tutoring Nathan .
. My 19th birthday with SACC youths after dance practice for youth sunday.
. Got a job at Starhub Roadshow .
. Quit after 2 days of work cos it sucked .
. Successful application into FASS!!
. Church camp at Port Dickson .
. Sheares Exposure Camp Committee; which is actually a camp, really. not a committee .
. Arts Camp .
. Realized that tanned skin isn't for me .
. Campus Crusade camp: Fixed On Christ .
. Choreographed a youth dance item for Youth Sunday service .
. Bangkok trip with Ethelyn, Joanne and Amelia .
. Quit my job at E-Three .
. Hall life starts at Sheares Block A Room 305.
. Matriculation fair .
. Arts O-Week .
. Got my own first laptop: Lenovo Thinkpad T400 .
. Choosing university modules; a sense of loss yet, newness and excitement .
. NUS Dance Synergy .
. Sheares Lorry Supper; stranded along the expressway at 4 in the morning .
. Passed Final Theory .
. My god-niece's first month celebration .
. Organized a hall-wide night cycling event with Sheares Link .
. Chingay Wearable Arts exhibition at Night Safari .
. Move out of hall day; experienced hall-sickness for the first time .
. Synergy Dance Camp at Raffles Hall; makes me appreciate Sheares Hall so much more .
. SACC 2nd Youth Camp: Heroes 2008 .
. Youth Leadership Retreat .

That's a pretty concise summary of a year's activity, if I do say so myself. Compare that with 2007's which will pretty much consist of study, study and study. Indeed, pre and during-University life has been very happening. 2008 has taught and exposed me to a lot of things which I haven't been able to learn for the past 18 years of my life. Some reflections to sum up the events in 2008:

Firstly, thank God for giving me what I desire: NUS FASS plus hall plus many other camps and activities which I can then go for. I feared not getting into Uni but now, I'm given a truly enjoyable Uni life. :)
Secondly, the Lord guiding me into leadership: the dance choreography in which I had to teach and lead 30 youths who had no previous experience and then the role of a group leader during the youth camp. Most would have known that I'm not the kind with strong leadership qualities and had never had significant leadership contributions. I was quite happy to stay that way. But lately, I've seen the detrimental effects of satisfying myself within my own comfort zone. I haven't told this to anyone before but the Lord knows. So I want to thank God for giving opportunities and teaching me to grow in leadership.
Thirdly, His protective hand that kept me safe throughout the year. In particular, my overseas trips to Korea, Cambodia and Thailand. The Bangkok trip especially, since there were only the 4 of us and thankfully, no riots arose then.
Lastly, He continues to protect me from negative influences and giving me sensibility and guidances in making decisions.

A time of growth, new experiences and lessons, and VERY evidently, God's grace and blessing in my life. :)))

Wednesday, December 24, 2008 ; 5:13 PM

i never expected that spamming grey's anatomy drama serials would eventually come in useful.

i woke up at 7.30am this stormy morning. my sis and me were supposed to bring my wheelchair-bound grandma to the polyclinic to clean her wound after having amputated her toe last week. it was the first time we took care of grandma on our own. usually mummy is the one who brings her to the hospital periodically for more medicine. it wasn't easy maneuvering the wheelchair and the rain didn't help save the situation. but what was most difficult is to watch as they undid the dressing to reveal the amputated feet. and for the first time in my life, i was faced with raw flesh underneath the skin. it was horrible. my sis freaked out. but i just watched on, because one of us had to learn how to dress the wound. and it was heartbreaking when grandma moaned in pain.

maybe i won't understand her agony. but i can feel her insecurity and the constant need for my sis and me to be in her line of vision. not being able to walk about freely, to be confined in the house, time to her, holds little value as she watch and wishes for the day to pass by swiftly. i won't be able to withstand the loneliness. maybe it comes with the mentality of an old person, which makes it all less unbearable.
but amidst all that, there is at least one good thing for grandma, that grandpa is alive and well. and that for one, is a very fortunate thing indeed.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008 ; 10:42 PM

of all the requests that i may have prayed for and was answered but forgotten, this is one i wished to remember and track its teachable moments.

i didn't think i'd be able to get it since the decision pended for quite a while. but thank You for giving it to me when i least expected it. now, with another tuition job, maybe i'll be able to save up more money. God had impressed on my heart to save up and contribute to my own hall accommodation fees. and now He has provided a way for me to do just that. recently, there's so much to support and cope with, i simply cannot just leave it to mummy to provide for it all. what with grandma's latest need for medical financial support, i should be more independent. more independent than what my past experiences has already moulded me to become.

because i cannot imagine how university life would be like, from where would i get my motivation to study without hall, and how i can be happy without dancing. on top of that, my commitments in church, and to get decent academic grades. well, i just hope to be able to cope and leave it up to God to pave the way.

Sanstav Paul. a familiar name that rings a bell. he's a schoolmate back in tj. and today, as i was reviewing the entire list of requests at facebook, there is this group request: May u rest in peace, Sanstav Paul. and i found out that he died in a plane crash while training as a pilot in Arizona. i'm just so saddened by this news. 19 year old. a brilliant student with a bright future. and his life just ended so suddenly. all that he had worked so hard for had to be stopped. indeed, he died doing what he loved, that is flying. but sometimes i do wonder, what one might think and feel after his/her life has ended. because i'm sure one's consciousness don't just cut off right when the heart stops beating. because there is a soul in every body and mind which is able to transcend the physical state. satisfied because they have fulfilled all their wishes and dreams? or regret for not making decisions which might make them feel happier? and where do you go after life on earth has passed away? God promised eternal life to those who receive Him as their personal God and saviour and to become his disciple by following His ways. but what about the lukewarm Christians? where will they go? what about the babies who die at birth, who never got the chance to learn and understand spoken words, much less the gospel?
i guess God has His ways. His judgement is beyond us. which is why He is God. because we cannot put Him in a box nor understand everything about Him.

this christmas, i wish for resolutions to be fulfilled, relationships to be mended and built, and be less laidback as a person.